I'm Changing...

Spiritually. Emotionally. Physically.

Life has been very interesting these days. I find myself in the midst of myself. I didn’t know it was possible to get deeper in tune with myself, but here I am. It has been quite an interesting experience for me. I find myself not how I once was. And I can truthfully say it’s not a bad thing.

The only thing I can compare myself to now is a flower preparing to blossom. What a change. I have moments of sadness, grace, joy, confusion, and appreciation. As if my mind wasn’t in a million places before, it’s at a billion, which isn’t a bad thing. I’m finally at the right billion.

Life will hit you with some of the strangest, soul searching, aha! moments ever — but this time I’m on life’s side. You may not think you’re ready, but trust me, you are. I thought I wasn’t, but life and God told me and reassured me otherwise. Just like everyone else, I’m figuring life and myself out. I’m in a period of stillness, quiet, and soul searching; and it is a graceful, peaceful feeling. There’s nothing I’d rather feel than what I’m feeling now. I’m like a sponge in the midst of clean dishes in search of the dirty ones so I can clean those as well. And not in a restless, perfectionist way as I’ve been the majority of my life; but in a check, on to the next sort of way.

I want to be the best Chi I can be for me. Note to self: I’m human. I’ve realized I can’t create all of the time, be happy all of the time, be sad all of the time. I’m finding the balance finally, and oh my, what a great feeling it is. A strange, empty feeling, but this is what I’m supposed to be feeling right now — and I’m grateful. Now, I seek for what tomorrow brings. I no longer seek for the things I can bring to tomorrow.